In loving memory ...
Winifred Jean (Eddleman) Hickman

Winifred was a 44-year member of the Charm and Chatter Club and a volunteer for the American Cancer Society and for other church, school and civic activities. She provided youth group leadership, Scout leadership and PTA Presidency

Winifred loved strawberries, daisies, morel hunting, camping, nature, cooking, watching her grandson's basketball games, watching her granddaughter's school plays, clowns, angels, vanilla, almond, picnics, newspapers, holidays (especially Christmas), birthdays, parties, eating out, traveling, hearing rain on a tin roof, drinking from a tin cup, dolls, dollhouses, classic movies, reading, the Ruth Lyons Show (and music), Gladys Tabor books, her grandmother's reed organ, being with her friends and her family.
She taught her dog, Gigi, to sing, dance and say "I love you."
During a month-long Christmas season, she thoroughly decorated every room of her home.

Winifred was both strong-willed and giving.
As for strong-willed, mother wouldn't budge on what she thought was right or fair. She was angry when she encountered prejudice or discrimination against people. She had little tolerance for people thinking themselves better than other groups of people. She emphasized that it was cruel to presume you know something about a person before you really know that person. If one of her children repeated a prejudiced comment they heard at school, mother's correction was swift. She made it clear that the children of Winifred Jean Hickman were never to look down on others because of how they looked or what they believed. She said, "Look at your hands. When you point one finger at someone, the other fingers are pointing at yourself."

She was sometimes ahead of her times on fairness issues:

-- In the 1950's she was already talking with her children about the ways the European settlers mistreated the Native Americans in this country

-- In the 1950's she told her children she appreciated the faith of her Protestant relatives and of her Catholic relatives, defending each as a sincere effort to know God. She believed that God answered the prayers of any person sincerely praying, regardless of their religious affiliation. She believed that God, too, looked past what group you belonged to and focused on the heart of the individual.

-- In the 1950's she helped us understand the loving character of a relative who had a mental illness, helping us see that the mental illness was only one of many things that were true about her loved relative.


As for giving, here is an example. Even though our parents had financial problems, and Dad sometimes had to work three jobs, Mother and Dad were worried about another struggling family in the neighborhood who had seven children. Mother was especially hurt when she saw the children walking to school in the rain without coats. She said, "Harold, we have to do something." Mother and Dad decided they needed to get clothes for the children, but they knew the father of the other family would probably not accept gifts. So, our parents decided he simply couldn't know where the gifts came from. Having to charge the purchases themselves, Mother and Dad purchased coats and clothing for the children of the neighbor family and had a man deliver them. We peeked through the windows to make sure the gifts were accepted. The second part of the lesson was our parents convinced us that we must never tell our friends about this, lest we cause them embarassment.

Looking back, this story tells us about Mother's character. Mother didn't get any new clothes that year. She did something giving instead. And she didn't talk about it. She told us if we talked about giving, we were doing it for ourselves, instead of for the other person. Mother and Dad often had financial worries because of what they quietly gave to other people, but we are rich in the memories they gave us. Always remembering that our time on earth is limited, she told us many times, "You can't take it with you when you die. Think about the things that really matter."
Winifred endured many health concerns with a spirit of determination.
Her final days were complicated by Cancer of the liver, congestive heart failure, blood clotting, severe arthritis and, finally, kidney failure.

We know from the doctor and nurses that mother endured significant pain in her final weeks. But she didn't complain to us. She waited until the last week to take Morphine because she didn't want to become a burden on her family. Even in the final days when her children were staying with her so she could have her wish of not going to the hospital, mother kept apologizing to us for the things we were doing for her. In the final days of her suffering, she was still worried about us instead of about herself.

Mother talked with each of us about her death, partly to prepare herself and partly to prepare us. She ordered her cemetery marker and planned her funeral from her bed to make things easier on her family.

At the time of mother's death, family members had just helped her get re-settled in bed and some of us left the room, hoping she could sleep some. Instead, mother yelled out in a stronger voice than she had been able to muster for a long time. She said, "Hey, people!" We ran back to her bedside and saw that she was looking different. She was looking, but not at us. She then got a beautiful smile on her face and died. She literally called us to come and witness what happened to her when she saw what she saw.

Mother loved her sisters. Elizabeth even spent many nights and weekends staying at the home during Mother's illness. Janice helped in mother's care and was with us when mother died. Mother also valued the loyalty of her dear friends in the Charm and Chatter Club. She loved them, too. And thank you to the wonderful staff of Public Health Nursing who were very professional and who literally taught us what we needed to know so we could fulfill mother's final wish of staying home during her illness.

Winifred died in her home at 3:30 PM on 25 August 1996 in Bloomington, Monroe County, Indiana. Services were held at Allen Funeral Home in Bloomington, Monroe County, Indiana on 28 August 1996, with her brother-in-law, Rev. Carl Morris Hazel, and her first cousin, Father Robert Bultman, officiating. Burial was at Clear Creek Cemetery, Clear Creek, Monroe County, Indiana on 28 August 1996.

I love and miss her very much, and always will.

Read about our camping family at http://grand_uncle_mark.home.insightbb.com/camping.html